I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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