THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize