I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
