She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
