dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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