My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
