So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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