I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
