I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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