He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
