Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
