I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
