Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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