it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize