she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
