Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
