i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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