you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize