I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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