p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
the day after is always just damage control
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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