I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
