we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
