that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
