He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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