I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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