Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
