eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
