i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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