Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
