The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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