I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
