found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
