I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
