i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
