Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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