I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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