That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
