My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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