please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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