Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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