I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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