just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
