She is in my trunk
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
