So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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