By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
