so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
