do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
