Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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