My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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