Just took my morning after pill in the library
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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