so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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