not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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