I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
