Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
ttyl tear gas
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
