He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
