I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize