I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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