When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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