He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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