wanna go halves on a baby?
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
