Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
