ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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