I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
