dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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