Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
