It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
