Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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