dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
