UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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