How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
