dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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