I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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