It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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