yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
