So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
