I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Randomize
