I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
