at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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