I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
