I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
