I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
