I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
