I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
