so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I want to walk on stilts...naked
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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