I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
