Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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