He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
