so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
