now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
