We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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