Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
