so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
did i just pee glitter
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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