I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
