No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
My ass is underappreciated
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Randomize
