omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
