I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
