So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
