I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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