wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
