I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
