singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
