hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
