my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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