who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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